When I told my hubby how boring it is sometimes when both our daughters go to school and he for office, I was looking for some empathy and not a solution to a problem. For me there was no problem at all. I loved the free time I was getting so I could think and write more clearly. I just needed him to listen to me. But no, he had to rescue me like I was a damsel in distress. He started offering solutions to a non- existant problem.
Doesn't this happen to you too? Reverse the situation. Your husband is discussing some office trivia with you. He wants you to listen and appreciate him for what he did in that situation. Instead, we being women, start advising him how it would have benefited him, if he would have reacted in a different way( read your way) and so we start grooming him to make him like us.
Men like to fix all things broken or not. And women like to change and improve and nurture everything required or not.
So many times when people tell me that they- husband and wife are on the same page, I am baffled. The only words I utter are- how come? For starters my husband and I can never be on the same page as we are in totally different books🙄. We never agree on the same things. We have settled on agreeing to disagree.
I am learning to keep my calm when we are in the car, trying to get to a location which is new to both of us. Even if we are lost or so I feel, and are circling the same block more than twice I refrain from suggesting that we need help and should ask for directions. I am learning, what we women think to be the most simple, obvious thing to do is the most humiliating experience for him. So even if it is the third time we have circled the same block I gather all my strength and say, " I think you are right, it's a difficult address to find but I know you are taking us in the right direction, we will get there, we dont need any help."
I am learning that when he says he doesn't need any help and doesn't want to talk , he means it. Unlike us. When we say we dont want to talk we mean we want to talk but only after some coaxing from you. Just to make it clear that we didnt want to talk, it's because you are insisting we are opening up.
Men too need to understand that when we are offering suggestions, it is not because we think you cant handle a situation but because we have this need to constantly make things better than they are.
Men and women are so different. Only if we could accept that and stop trying to change the other to suit our needs, will be there peace and harmony in a married life. Otherwise one will always think of other to be a fair-weather friend and suffer alone in anguish and frustration.
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